"I'm going to touch the butt" I said
Curious yet scared at the same time
Not knowing what the future beholds,
I went anyway
Young, Still in school, and Growing did not hold me back
Being hard headed is something I don't lack
It was too late to turn around
If I did, the whole school would think I'm wack
Inching closer and closer
And as it gets darker and darker
A giant net sweeps me up
I swam and swam to get back down
But I couldn't get away
I was just a stupid clown
Trying to impress
Didn't lead to anything but a mess
But just a worried dad
I tried everything to find him and make him glad
Doing everything I can
To be reunited with my fam.
I just hope he would understand
Now I'm back
And the punishments won't slack
But at least I'm home
Nemo…
More like Shimo
good start, one thing that needs to be worked on is you use examples from the story but I can't tell how it connects to you. For example what does the net represent in your life and also being reunited with the "fam." It ends up being just you explaining the story of the movie and not so much about you. AS(2)
ReplyDeleteI thought it was really funny when you included a quote from the movie in your poem. However, while reading your poem I started to picture the kidnapping scene from Nemo rather than picturing the story you're trying to tell. I agree with the previous comment that this is a good poem but try focusing on you more than your allusion.
ReplyDeleteAlthough this poem was very humerous, it was more focused on the character that the actually story on how it was compared to you, consider revising the story and make it more toward how you as an indivisual are.
ReplyDeleteYEAAAHHH YOU. YOU WENT WITH MY ENDING. Anyway, "Shimo more like Nemo" I feel like your allusion is too metaphorical, and it's hard to depict how "what" relates to you. So, it seems like you're just explaining the movie, rather than relating it to your life, and its current state.
ReplyDelete